![]() Harry: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?Įqually important, I would work to unwrap the manner in which the identities of Harry and Sally are cathected to these ambivalence, fears, and assumptions. Harry: If you’re so over Joe, why aren’t you seeing anyone? Sally: I don’t have to take this crap from you. It doesn’t work this way.Īnd finally, Harry captures heteronormative assumptions in this dialogue between the couple following one of Sally’s breakups: I know you’re feeling lonely, but you just can’t show up here, tell me you love me, and expect that to make everything all right. Similarly, Sally expresses the loneliness theme directly during a New Year’s Eve scene at the end of the movie: You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you. The ambivalence theme is expressed well by Sally in the film when she utters: ![]() Rather, I posit that the core issues in the relationship revolved around intimacy ambivalences, loneliness fears, and heteronormative assumptions about adult male-female relationships. The issue isn’t about tensions between erotic compulsion and platonic possibilities, per se. As indicated above, a key facet of my approach would be to challenge the couple’s conception of their interpersonal problem. 11).īeing an utter novice, the treatment approach I’d take would follow steps advocated for by Minuchin himself. Equally important, it also helps the therapist to nudge the family towards change while also enabling the therapist to strengthen a revised structure and rules at the same time (Minuchin et al. This immersion by the therapist in the family interactional patterns helps him or her to better understand the system as an insider does. Importantly, the therapist is encouraged to become a participant observer of familial interactions and relationships, working to become an active member of the treatment process with clients (Minuchin et al. In Minuchin’s approach, a key means to effecting change in relationship patterns is the identification “ and ultimately the challenging “ of latent or implicit rules that relationship members follow without necessarily being able to consciously articulate that their behavior is rule conforming. The goal of treatment is to alter these patterns of interaction not necessarily to change the people engaged in the therapeutic process (Minuchin et al. This approach to treatment focuses on identifying patterns of interaction that cause and embed problems within family and couple relationships (Minuchin et al. To help both Harry and Sally deal with these issues, I would employ Salvador Minuchin’s Structural Family Therapy (Minuchin et al. intimacy and (b) existential fears of loneliness. Instead, I posit that the film is better understood as a movie about how a man and a woman, each governed by heteronormativity, cope with both (a) ambivalent feelings about. In my view, this popular assessment is fair but superficial. On the surface, the film is a love story. This tension between platonic possibilities between men and women and erotic masculine compulsion is repeatedly introduced throughout the film as the duo’s bond evolves from friendship to confused lovers to committed spouses. The theme is first introduced in the couple’s dialogue on a road trip they take together as strangers to New York City after graduating from the University of Chicago. His belief is succinctly captured in this quote from the movie: “You realize of course that we could never be friends… men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” This question about the possibility of male-female friendship in the face of male heterosexuality becomes a motif the film explores from the opening scenes through to the finale. At the same time, Harry admits to Sally that he finds her physically attractive.īut then he shares a personal belief with her that more or less doubles as a theme the film goes on to explore in great detail. Initially, both characters find one another generally unlikable and largely incompatible with one another. The film When Harry Met Sally’ is a love story portrayed as taking place over a decade.
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